Few things in life are as exciting as a 13-year old watching his first pole dance. Hamilton, Ontario isn’t one of them. A city whose own website homepage posts no photos.
Where life sparkles like the left over eye-glitter from last nights’ aspiring med students on Stage 1 is inside the Taco Bell on Hamilton St. and Cedar. The place of three Crunchy Tacos, one Nacho, a Crunch Wrap Supreme, and small Mt. Dew. Small ‘cause you know you get free refills?
You can’t really appreciate the magnitude of this experience unless you’ve gone 13 months without. Supplement that with 13 months of bland French food. Sure, there’s the occasional Schnitzel, sushi or sorbet. But Jesus, have you ever had a Crunch Wrap Supreme? I even wore my second best suit. Which was proper evening attire for watching the man outside scoop dog shit from the lawn into his white chlorine bucket.
We're only getting started.
Two hours later, we found ourselves in Chatham. Locale for a wedding reception with 200 people who I’ve not only never met nor will ever see again, but, as made clear with 1.5 hours of wedding party speeches, hasn’t really gotten out much. With tear-jerking speeches reminiscing of the days when “we went 4-wheelin’ after schoo,” it’s clear that one of us does not lead a normal life.
I once had a friend who had a 4-wheeler while we were growing up. That was cool. But he never provided an open bar with it. Also, he never put larger than average sized cockroaches on my hotel walls. Nor did he allow 3 dozen, 8-year old female hockey players to run anarchy through the halls at 6 am. ‘Cause if he did, I’d have to punch him in the face with one of my Crunch Wrap Supreme wrapper-wrapped, cockroach juice covered clogs.
Where life sparkles like the left over eye-glitter from last nights’ aspiring med students on Stage 1 is inside the Taco Bell on Hamilton St. and Cedar. The place of three Crunchy Tacos, one Nacho, a Crunch Wrap Supreme, and small Mt. Dew. Small ‘cause you know you get free refills?
You can’t really appreciate the magnitude of this experience unless you’ve gone 13 months without. Supplement that with 13 months of bland French food. Sure, there’s the occasional Schnitzel, sushi or sorbet. But Jesus, have you ever had a Crunch Wrap Supreme? I even wore my second best suit. Which was proper evening attire for watching the man outside scoop dog shit from the lawn into his white chlorine bucket.
We're only getting started.
Two hours later, we found ourselves in Chatham. Locale for a wedding reception with 200 people who I’ve not only never met nor will ever see again, but, as made clear with 1.5 hours of wedding party speeches, hasn’t really gotten out much. With tear-jerking speeches reminiscing of the days when “we went 4-wheelin’ after schoo,” it’s clear that one of us does not lead a normal life.
I once had a friend who had a 4-wheeler while we were growing up. That was cool. But he never provided an open bar with it. Also, he never put larger than average sized cockroaches on my hotel walls. Nor did he allow 3 dozen, 8-year old female hockey players to run anarchy through the halls at 6 am. ‘Cause if he did, I’d have to punch him in the face with one of my Crunch Wrap Supreme wrapper-wrapped, cockroach juice covered clogs.
