I’m tired ya’ll.
Can’t sleep.
Every little creak. Every subtle movement, snap, crackle or pop wakes me up. Paranoid? Yer darn tootin’. Sunday night I thought someone was on my terrace moving my furniture around.
And those tacos I made? With my internationally famous salsa and guac? Gave me gas. Now everytime my butt pops I’m wide-eyed with fear that someone is hijacking my dining room chairs.
I know I have a few female listeners. And I’ve been struggling all weekend how to translate the pain a man feels when his TV is stolen into something you can better relate to. Maybe it’s like having your make-up kit lifted. Or that new pair of slutty black heels you bought for “those Friday nights out” where you sit and drink with your “girls” and complain how your man spends more time watching TV than listening to you. Whatever it is you're talking about.
See? Your dreams can come true.
Seen as this week I’m out of a car, which needs new locks and ignition system when we discovered my spare key was missing, I’m thinking we’ll take a few days away.
Someplace new. Someplace to cool off and relax. Maybe someplace where it’s socially acceptable to punch a stray alley cat in the testicles.
Who knows.
Can’t sleep.
Every little creak. Every subtle movement, snap, crackle or pop wakes me up. Paranoid? Yer darn tootin’. Sunday night I thought someone was on my terrace moving my furniture around.
And those tacos I made? With my internationally famous salsa and guac? Gave me gas. Now everytime my butt pops I’m wide-eyed with fear that someone is hijacking my dining room chairs.
I know I have a few female listeners. And I’ve been struggling all weekend how to translate the pain a man feels when his TV is stolen into something you can better relate to. Maybe it’s like having your make-up kit lifted. Or that new pair of slutty black heels you bought for “those Friday nights out” where you sit and drink with your “girls” and complain how your man spends more time watching TV than listening to you. Whatever it is you're talking about.
See? Your dreams can come true.
Seen as this week I’m out of a car, which needs new locks and ignition system when we discovered my spare key was missing, I’m thinking we’ll take a few days away.
Someplace new. Someplace to cool off and relax. Maybe someplace where it’s socially acceptable to punch a stray alley cat in the testicles.
Who knows.
