What can I say. I’ve been without inspiration to write. Instead of forcing myself upon the pen and notepad like it twer an anxious, maladjusted prom date bending to the social pressure to entertain my two readers, I’ve been indulging my desires in another hobby. Which benefits you in no particular way. Also, I purchased a new lamp for the living room. There is no On / Off switch. Its illumination is triggered only by the human touch in which two parts of my body must both simultaneously touch any part of the lamp, and each other, completing a circuit which ultimately has a net negative effect on Nespresso-induced erection. But it allows me to see my glass coffee table, on which rests my Nespresso.
It seems I’ve finally mentally settled into life here in Germany. It’s been now 14 months since I’ve arrived. I’ve come to love my home and the daily view it provides from every room in the house, my neighbors, and the fact that I’ve learned key German phrases like, “Shut up, Ass Face.”
I’ve reached a level of peace and tranquility which allows me to prepare for the much anticipated arrival of my beautiful, long-legged Wife, who still resides in Baku. Navigating a long distance marriage isn’t easy. I mean, have you heard her accent?? Nonetheless, our non-traditional ways will culminate on April 4th, where she’ll so eloquently fill out a white wedding dress (low-cut I hope I hope I hope), I’ll shave and put on pants, and limited numbers of family members will make the long trek over to celebrate the (second) union of the sexiest, most tender loving woman to ever come out of the Ukraine, and your humble, aloof American cruise director with nea a clue on how to complete a grammatically correct transitional sentence.
So I will document my daily semi-daily thrice-weekly thoughts on my final month in office. For my days of pulling a Dutch Oven on the cat and living off frozen pizza and chips and salsa are numbered. I have four weeks to grow up. And I’m taking you with me. Like I always do. But this time there’ll be limited numbers of Asians, no care-free jaunts through the jungles of Colombia, and we sure as hell ain't inviting Canada. Also, I’m taking suggestions for our wedding song. Absolutely NO Justin Timberlake, Hanson, or any kind of Boy Bands like Kelly Clarkson or the like.
Winner gets to name our first born.
It seems I’ve finally mentally settled into life here in Germany. It’s been now 14 months since I’ve arrived. I’ve come to love my home and the daily view it provides from every room in the house, my neighbors, and the fact that I’ve learned key German phrases like, “Shut up, Ass Face.”
I’ve reached a level of peace and tranquility which allows me to prepare for the much anticipated arrival of my beautiful, long-legged Wife, who still resides in Baku. Navigating a long distance marriage isn’t easy. I mean, have you heard her accent?? Nonetheless, our non-traditional ways will culminate on April 4th, where she’ll so eloquently fill out a white wedding dress (low-cut I hope I hope I hope), I’ll shave and put on pants, and limited numbers of family members will make the long trek over to celebrate the (second) union of the sexiest, most tender loving woman to ever come out of the Ukraine, and your humble, aloof American cruise director with nea a clue on how to complete a grammatically correct transitional sentence.
So I will document my daily semi-daily thrice-weekly thoughts on my final month in office. For my days of pulling a Dutch Oven on the cat and living off frozen pizza and chips and salsa are numbered. I have four weeks to grow up. And I’m taking you with me. Like I always do. But this time there’ll be limited numbers of Asians, no care-free jaunts through the jungles of Colombia, and we sure as hell ain't inviting Canada. Also, I’m taking suggestions for our wedding song. Absolutely NO Justin Timberlake, Hanson, or any kind of Boy Bands like Kelly Clarkson or the like.
Winner gets to name our first born.
