Day 20:
I’m a freak show.
People on this tiny southern island of Xiamen, population 105 million, have never seen the Tall White Man before. My translator, who is actually dressed like my escort today, is having trouble keeping up with the questions from the locals. All cattled into the boarding gate for the ferry to Gulang Island, I’m overcome with stares and smiles; she of questions. I told her to tell them, if they don’t stop staring, I’m gonna whip out my jock and start mushroom-punching the elders.
And this keeps happening:
I have absolutely no idea who this girl is.
I’ve also learned a valuable lesson today. I’d like to share it with you.
You see, in China, when you have business dinners, it’s believed that wine over dinner is the avenue through which relationships are formed. It’s a chance to drink and toast, and open the lines of communication which help foster future partnerships. And like any social lubrication, its best used without moderation.
So here sit 30 of us at the largest round-table setting I’ve ever seen. Even Lazy Susan was so big she had her own motor. And God forbid you missed your chance to grab the dish of your choice ‘cause it took another 30 minutes for it to come back around.
Now as the custom goes, the person who chooses to toast, goes around the table and toasts each and every person individually, downing a few large swigs of wine or white rice wine, then refilling up for the next person. Kinda cool I think. But fu*k that.
At one point, my local colleague, who doesn’t speak English, managed to mumble out a few words about the table, its size, and asked if I liked it or something. Now I “thought” he asked if I would like to have a table of that size. I said, “Sure. I wouldn’t mind.’ But what he actually asked was if I would like to go around the table and toast to everyone. This was translated to me after he made the news public.
Here’s the funny thing. The only Chinese words I know are, “Hello, Thank you, How are you? and, green tea.” I went with the obvious choice. I said, ‘Hello,’ called everyone Green Tea, and thanked them. That’s about all I remember.
The lesson learned? Next time a China man says something to you, say, “No,” and punch him in the genitals. And as an added repercussion, I’ve wished a violent visit from Tropical Storm Neoguri on the island.
I’m a freak show.
People on this tiny southern island of Xiamen, population 105 million, have never seen the Tall White Man before. My translator, who is actually dressed like my escort today, is having trouble keeping up with the questions from the locals. All cattled into the boarding gate for the ferry to Gulang Island, I’m overcome with stares and smiles; she of questions. I told her to tell them, if they don’t stop staring, I’m gonna whip out my jock and start mushroom-punching the elders.
And this keeps happening:
I have absolutely no idea who this girl is.
I’ve also learned a valuable lesson today. I’d like to share it with you.
You see, in China, when you have business dinners, it’s believed that wine over dinner is the avenue through which relationships are formed. It’s a chance to drink and toast, and open the lines of communication which help foster future partnerships. And like any social lubrication, its best used without moderation.
So here sit 30 of us at the largest round-table setting I’ve ever seen. Even Lazy Susan was so big she had her own motor. And God forbid you missed your chance to grab the dish of your choice ‘cause it took another 30 minutes for it to come back around.
Now as the custom goes, the person who chooses to toast, goes around the table and toasts each and every person individually, downing a few large swigs of wine or white rice wine, then refilling up for the next person. Kinda cool I think. But fu*k that.
At one point, my local colleague, who doesn’t speak English, managed to mumble out a few words about the table, its size, and asked if I liked it or something. Now I “thought” he asked if I would like to have a table of that size. I said, “Sure. I wouldn’t mind.’ But what he actually asked was if I would like to go around the table and toast to everyone. This was translated to me after he made the news public.
Here’s the funny thing. The only Chinese words I know are, “Hello, Thank you, How are you? and, green tea.” I went with the obvious choice. I said, ‘Hello,’ called everyone Green Tea, and thanked them. That’s about all I remember.
The lesson learned? Next time a China man says something to you, say, “No,” and punch him in the genitals. And as an added repercussion, I’ve wished a violent visit from Tropical Storm Neoguri on the island.
