Does This Cock Ring Make Me Look Fat?
First of all. How are you? That’s nice.
Some strange things these last few days that I need to share with you. I shall now present. In numerical fashion. Somewhat similar to my grade school, schooling. Yeah.
1. Social Experiment #1 – I regret to inform you that this investigation has come to a sad, lonely, Olsen-twin-career-like close. Why? 1) I went to Sam’s Club with mom and dad this weekend and well, $256 later, this bitch’s trunk was low-ho-hoded with stuff. Good stuff. Like fish and tuna and steaks ‘n shit. Ooh, and gum. Lots of gum. 2) My health. You see, Smiles looks absolutely fanfuckingtastic naked. With or without a scarf. And I’d like to give her something to look at as well. Primarily abs. She likes those.
2. Halloween – Nothing special, just a thought. I’m all for parents dressing up along with there kids. The little kiddos. But the older kids? Trick or Treating? No. Awaken your inner child, and abort it. And allow your little ones to travel the unobstructed road to Type II Diabetes alone. Our health care system will thank you for it. Write that down.
3. Flight Home – As I’m boarding my flight, I overheard a mother, who was carrying her 1 year old, notify the ramp worker that there was a bag in the stroller full of baby vomit. His expression said, “What the fu*k?” But his actions said, “Fu*k this job,” as he put on his industrial safety gloves. For protection. And of all the seats on this plane, I sit in front of the mother and the clearly ill, vocally distressed infant. I truly did feel for him. He didn’t look well and all I wanted to do was hold him and make him feel better. But I was distracted by the older foreigner sitting next to me who spent the entire 5 hours trying to impress and pick up the younger, overweight, coke-bottle spectacle wearing, trying to just finish college ‘cause it’s a “waste of time”, the real world needs me because the knowledge I have, you can’t teach, flute-toting band geek sitting next to him. I’m clearly not one to judge, but as soon as she said she “hated Vegas,” I knew she was a virgin. And this relationship just wasn’t going to work. But I wish them both the best.
4. My dream – Which reminds me. This morning I had a troubling dream. Vivid. Real. Bold. With a hint of lime and garlic. I don’t clearly recall the entire context, but Smiles was there and as I took my shirt off, I noticed that I had a third nipple. It was just inside my left real nipple. And was in the shape of a penis. Which at the time, seemed kinda odd, ya know? So like any curious young boy would do with a skin blemish, I went to the bathroom, looked at it in the mirror, and popped it. Now here’s where it gets weird. After I popped it and violated it further, I noticed that inside, it was stuffed with a California Roll. Seriously. And then I woke up cause it was like quarter to ten this morning.
Now I’ve been familiar with my penis for quite some time. Hell, I’ve had it pretty much my entire life. But as I’ve alluded to before, there’s only two substances permitted to come out of my urethra, and a California Roll isn’t one of them either.
If anyone has a Dream Book, could you please look that one up and get back to me?
Thank you. And good night.
Some strange things these last few days that I need to share with you. I shall now present. In numerical fashion. Somewhat similar to my grade school, schooling. Yeah.
1. Social Experiment #1 – I regret to inform you that this investigation has come to a sad, lonely, Olsen-twin-career-like close. Why? 1) I went to Sam’s Club with mom and dad this weekend and well, $256 later, this bitch’s trunk was low-ho-hoded with stuff. Good stuff. Like fish and tuna and steaks ‘n shit. Ooh, and gum. Lots of gum. 2) My health. You see, Smiles looks absolutely fanfuckingtastic naked. With or without a scarf. And I’d like to give her something to look at as well. Primarily abs. She likes those.
2. Halloween – Nothing special, just a thought. I’m all for parents dressing up along with there kids. The little kiddos. But the older kids? Trick or Treating? No. Awaken your inner child, and abort it. And allow your little ones to travel the unobstructed road to Type II Diabetes alone. Our health care system will thank you for it. Write that down.
3. Flight Home – As I’m boarding my flight, I overheard a mother, who was carrying her 1 year old, notify the ramp worker that there was a bag in the stroller full of baby vomit. His expression said, “What the fu*k?” But his actions said, “Fu*k this job,” as he put on his industrial safety gloves. For protection. And of all the seats on this plane, I sit in front of the mother and the clearly ill, vocally distressed infant. I truly did feel for him. He didn’t look well and all I wanted to do was hold him and make him feel better. But I was distracted by the older foreigner sitting next to me who spent the entire 5 hours trying to impress and pick up the younger, overweight, coke-bottle spectacle wearing, trying to just finish college ‘cause it’s a “waste of time”, the real world needs me because the knowledge I have, you can’t teach, flute-toting band geek sitting next to him. I’m clearly not one to judge, but as soon as she said she “hated Vegas,” I knew she was a virgin. And this relationship just wasn’t going to work. But I wish them both the best.
4. My dream – Which reminds me. This morning I had a troubling dream. Vivid. Real. Bold. With a hint of lime and garlic. I don’t clearly recall the entire context, but Smiles was there and as I took my shirt off, I noticed that I had a third nipple. It was just inside my left real nipple. And was in the shape of a penis. Which at the time, seemed kinda odd, ya know? So like any curious young boy would do with a skin blemish, I went to the bathroom, looked at it in the mirror, and popped it. Now here’s where it gets weird. After I popped it and violated it further, I noticed that inside, it was stuffed with a California Roll. Seriously. And then I woke up cause it was like quarter to ten this morning.
Now I’ve been familiar with my penis for quite some time. Hell, I’ve had it pretty much my entire life. But as I’ve alluded to before, there’s only two substances permitted to come out of my urethra, and a California Roll isn’t one of them either.
If anyone has a Dream Book, could you please look that one up and get back to me?
Thank you. And good night.
