Customer Complaint #10649
Dear Northwest Airlines,
I hope this letter finds you well. You fucking douchebags. I am writing to let you know of the deplorable experience I was subjected to yesterday, with the expectation that you'll take no more time out of your day than is needed to sound out these words.
Upon arrival at the check-in counter in Denver, I was notified by Amanda, that she could not check me in for my flight (#580) on account of it being only 35 minutes prior to liftoff. I stated that no other airline in the history of my travel had ever had that problem and that if she could figure out how to print out a ticket with a seat number, I would be on my way for a 6:25 am departure. She apologized for being incapable of doing so, printed me out a standby ticket for the 9:40 am, and pointed me to the security line. I wished her a slow, public death and was on my way.
As luck would have it, I made it to the gate, and the agent was nice enough to assign me the last remaining seat. Bless her cold, still-beating heart. As I was one of the last passengers aboard, I was required to check my bag in plane-side, which was not a problem. I notified the flight attendant, Gwen, which was by far, one of the ugliest flight attendants I've ever been greeted by, and she informed me that I would be able to pick up my bag at baggage claim in Minneapolis. I stated that that would not work being that I only had 50 minutes to catch my connecting flight. I'm sorry to say, but she missed that point. And whatever presentable, socially-acceptable look she was going for that morning.
It is at this point that I should mention that the day prior, I suffered a debilitating sports injury to an already once reconstructed knee, which has greatly hindered my mobility. So not only would I like to thank you for having to hump my way from Gate G to baggage claim, wait for my bag, drag my ass upstairs to the ticket counter to RE-check-in (because I was not given my boarding pass in Denver on account that I would have to fly standby in MN as well), wait in the security line, set off the alarm because of my leg brace, get searched, wanded, prodded and probed, navigate my way a half mile to Gate C, and then hop on the train to the far end Gate A. But I would like to thank you for the slight delay in our arrival to MN and only allowing me 40 minutes to accomplish such a feat. You herpes-laden dildos.
Finally, you will find attached a hospital bill and referral, of which I anticipate full reimbursement, for the treatment I received to alleviate the compression of my lower spine. An injury many of us on flight 5690 sustained as one of your pilots every so violently slammed our regional jet down on the runway. I can only pray for an effective and speedy recovery. You crusty, executive finger-bang.
Kindest Regards,
Stick
I hope this letter finds you well. You fucking douchebags. I am writing to let you know of the deplorable experience I was subjected to yesterday, with the expectation that you'll take no more time out of your day than is needed to sound out these words.
Upon arrival at the check-in counter in Denver, I was notified by Amanda, that she could not check me in for my flight (#580) on account of it being only 35 minutes prior to liftoff. I stated that no other airline in the history of my travel had ever had that problem and that if she could figure out how to print out a ticket with a seat number, I would be on my way for a 6:25 am departure. She apologized for being incapable of doing so, printed me out a standby ticket for the 9:40 am, and pointed me to the security line. I wished her a slow, public death and was on my way.
As luck would have it, I made it to the gate, and the agent was nice enough to assign me the last remaining seat. Bless her cold, still-beating heart. As I was one of the last passengers aboard, I was required to check my bag in plane-side, which was not a problem. I notified the flight attendant, Gwen, which was by far, one of the ugliest flight attendants I've ever been greeted by, and she informed me that I would be able to pick up my bag at baggage claim in Minneapolis. I stated that that would not work being that I only had 50 minutes to catch my connecting flight. I'm sorry to say, but she missed that point. And whatever presentable, socially-acceptable look she was going for that morning.
It is at this point that I should mention that the day prior, I suffered a debilitating sports injury to an already once reconstructed knee, which has greatly hindered my mobility. So not only would I like to thank you for having to hump my way from Gate G to baggage claim, wait for my bag, drag my ass upstairs to the ticket counter to RE-check-in (because I was not given my boarding pass in Denver on account that I would have to fly standby in MN as well), wait in the security line, set off the alarm because of my leg brace, get searched, wanded, prodded and probed, navigate my way a half mile to Gate C, and then hop on the train to the far end Gate A. But I would like to thank you for the slight delay in our arrival to MN and only allowing me 40 minutes to accomplish such a feat. You herpes-laden dildos.
Finally, you will find attached a hospital bill and referral, of which I anticipate full reimbursement, for the treatment I received to alleviate the compression of my lower spine. An injury many of us on flight 5690 sustained as one of your pilots every so violently slammed our regional jet down on the runway. I can only pray for an effective and speedy recovery. You crusty, executive finger-bang.
Kindest Regards,
Stick
