Strange things happen when you go into places you don't belong. Like the Blue Oyster Bar. Or a church.
Maybe it was Rome in general. But sitting in one of the pews (?) admiring the front (bow?) of the beautiful Santa Maria della Vittoria, I couldn’t help but feel short of breath. Suppressing a slight wave of nausea and mild leakage from my urethra, I propped my feet up on the soft, plush red foot rest in front of me, and tried to let my mind wonder as I gazed upon the Ecstasy of St. Theresa. Sinful, yes. But beautiful, like a freshly purchased, frosty 6-pack of 90 Shilling. 5.3% Devil By Volume.
After mistakenly exiting through the left door, I abruptly flipped a bitch, unaware that this post would contain a record number of hyperlinks, and proceeded to the correct door on the right to avoid any further, unnecessary negative Ju-Ju. Ness.
Not wanting to take any chances, we ventured over to Vatican City. ‘Cause I mean, if anyone can cleanse a mess, its Big Ben with his subsequent capital letters. In what was clearly divine intervention, we were approached by a young, English-speaking woman, offering, in exchange for a modest fee, a guided tour of The Vatican and a “cut” to the front of the 4-km line wrapping around the border. One might say ‘No Butts, No Cuts, No Holy Coconuts.’ I say, fu*k that. It’s hot outside.
Also, I got jing. And if jing can buy your way to the front of the line at the club, it sure as hell can get you to the front of the line at The Vatican. Tru. Dat.
Working and walking and wriggling our way through the 6 million people who also thought it a good day to culminate their Vatican experience with a visit to the Sistine Chapel, it doesn’t take long before you notice the absence of adequate restroom material. Here’s where I share with you that yes, I know you come here for the high quality journalism and up-to-date international news, but to say that my original plan of laying a steamer upon the Holiest of all Thrones just to say ‘I did that,’ went unfulfilled. I even had my camera with me for photographic evidence. But you. . .I cannot and WILL not lie to the ones I love. Also, just so we're clear, this was not me.
Here's some more wholesome goodness for you as well. May they show you the path to richeousness.
Colosseum and The Forum
Inside the Colosseum
The Forum
Taste of Florence
Maybe it was Rome in general. But sitting in one of the pews (?) admiring the front (bow?) of the beautiful Santa Maria della Vittoria, I couldn’t help but feel short of breath. Suppressing a slight wave of nausea and mild leakage from my urethra, I propped my feet up on the soft, plush red foot rest in front of me, and tried to let my mind wonder as I gazed upon the Ecstasy of St. Theresa. Sinful, yes. But beautiful, like a freshly purchased, frosty 6-pack of 90 Shilling. 5.3% Devil By Volume.
After mistakenly exiting through the left door, I abruptly flipped a bitch, unaware that this post would contain a record number of hyperlinks, and proceeded to the correct door on the right to avoid any further, unnecessary negative Ju-Ju. Ness.
Not wanting to take any chances, we ventured over to Vatican City. ‘Cause I mean, if anyone can cleanse a mess, its Big Ben with his subsequent capital letters. In what was clearly divine intervention, we were approached by a young, English-speaking woman, offering, in exchange for a modest fee, a guided tour of The Vatican and a “cut” to the front of the 4-km line wrapping around the border. One might say ‘No Butts, No Cuts, No Holy Coconuts.’ I say, fu*k that. It’s hot outside.
Also, I got jing. And if jing can buy your way to the front of the line at the club, it sure as hell can get you to the front of the line at The Vatican. Tru. Dat.
Working and walking and wriggling our way through the 6 million people who also thought it a good day to culminate their Vatican experience with a visit to the Sistine Chapel, it doesn’t take long before you notice the absence of adequate restroom material. Here’s where I share with you that yes, I know you come here for the high quality journalism and up-to-date international news, but to say that my original plan of laying a steamer upon the Holiest of all Thrones just to say ‘I did that,’ went unfulfilled. I even had my camera with me for photographic evidence. But you. . .I cannot and WILL not lie to the ones I love. Also, just so we're clear, this was not me.
Here's some more wholesome goodness for you as well. May they show you the path to richeousness.
Colosseum and The Forum
Inside the Colosseum
The Forum
Taste of Florence
