Fingerbang Me Once, Shame On You. Fingerbang Me Twice, Shame On Me
I know I said recently that I’ve had a pretty uneventful year as far as my adventures go. I know I said it, I’m just too tired to find the reference and link. I’m sorry. And it’s not that there’s been a lack of. Quite the contrary, for it’s been a record year. It’s just been good to me. But one of youz forgot to tell me that when things are going good, you don’t acknowledge it ‘cause then you fu*k it all up. Like when you brag to your hairstylist about how your relationship is the best its ever been but then the next day you come home to find a gang bang in your living room and your mans’ in the pantry, 8” deep in a coconut. Don’t say you’ve never been there. Lori.
The previous two weren’t worth writing about, so I’ll only introduce them to set the mood. Also to fill up space. Forgive the lack of writing ambiance, for I am one. Tired. Bitch.
September 7 – Bad weather in Chicago forces me to spend an extra night in the hotel. Only route home the next day begins at 6 am and takes me through 4 airports. Whatever.
September 20 – Hung over from previous post and at the peak of my cold, Papa heads to Toronto Airport early in hopes of catching the standby 1:15 home instead of the 6:00 pm. Long story short, my bag makes the standby flight and I’m curled up in the corner with dehydration and the cold sweats for 8 hours. Also delayed by weather. Meh.
Which brings us to the present. Here’s your objective. Go from Denver, to Chicago, to Frankfurt, to Basel, Switzerland.
I should’ve known it wadn’t right when they had to run my bag through x-ray twice, searched it for the first time in two years, and confiscated all my shit.
You’ll note the rest follows timeline format. All times are rounded to the nearest 10 minutes and are in local time unless otherwise noted.
12:00 – Board flight in Denver.
12:30 – Still at gate.
12:40 – Made aware of an instrument problem.
13:30 – Still at gate.
13:40 – Instrument problem fixed.
13:50 – One left turn away from runway and are circled around to a holding area on the tarmac.
14:00 – Told of delay in Chicago secondary to weather. Engines shut down.
14:20 – Begin watching Mission Impossible III for the third time in as many weeks.
14:30 – Am given granola bar from flight attendant.
14:40 – Make massive pooh in Economy lavatory.
15:00 – Settle back into my Business Class seat.
15:10 – Begin getting nervous about making my 6:33 flight out of Chicago.
15:10-3:30 – Stare at big black guy sleeping next to me.
16:00 – Last of 5 planes to take off for Chicago.
18:40 – Land in Chicago.
19:00 – Am 14th in line at Customer Service.
20:30 – Reach Customer Service desk.
21:10 – Reach International Terminal Check-In counter.
21:30 – Given boarding pass.
21:40 – Go to lounge and enjoy open bar. Make pooh.
22:10 – Board plane.
I’m missing much of the last 10 hours or so, but at this point I’d like to introduce you to someone. Internet, meet Copenhagen; Copenhagen, Internet.
If you see Switzerland, tell her I’m looking for her.
The previous two weren’t worth writing about, so I’ll only introduce them to set the mood. Also to fill up space. Forgive the lack of writing ambiance, for I am one. Tired. Bitch.
September 7 – Bad weather in Chicago forces me to spend an extra night in the hotel. Only route home the next day begins at 6 am and takes me through 4 airports. Whatever.
September 20 – Hung over from previous post and at the peak of my cold, Papa heads to Toronto Airport early in hopes of catching the standby 1:15 home instead of the 6:00 pm. Long story short, my bag makes the standby flight and I’m curled up in the corner with dehydration and the cold sweats for 8 hours. Also delayed by weather. Meh.
Which brings us to the present. Here’s your objective. Go from Denver, to Chicago, to Frankfurt, to Basel, Switzerland.
I should’ve known it wadn’t right when they had to run my bag through x-ray twice, searched it for the first time in two years, and confiscated all my shit.
You’ll note the rest follows timeline format. All times are rounded to the nearest 10 minutes and are in local time unless otherwise noted.
12:00 – Board flight in Denver.
12:30 – Still at gate.
12:40 – Made aware of an instrument problem.
13:30 – Still at gate.
13:40 – Instrument problem fixed.
13:50 – One left turn away from runway and are circled around to a holding area on the tarmac.
14:00 – Told of delay in Chicago secondary to weather. Engines shut down.
14:20 – Begin watching Mission Impossible III for the third time in as many weeks.
14:30 – Am given granola bar from flight attendant.
14:40 – Make massive pooh in Economy lavatory.
15:00 – Settle back into my Business Class seat.
15:10 – Begin getting nervous about making my 6:33 flight out of Chicago.
15:10-3:30 – Stare at big black guy sleeping next to me.
16:00 – Last of 5 planes to take off for Chicago.
18:40 – Land in Chicago.
19:00 – Am 14th in line at Customer Service.
20:30 – Reach Customer Service desk.
21:10 – Reach International Terminal Check-In counter.
21:30 – Given boarding pass.
21:40 – Go to lounge and enjoy open bar. Make pooh.
22:10 – Board plane.
I’m missing much of the last 10 hours or so, but at this point I’d like to introduce you to someone. Internet, meet Copenhagen; Copenhagen, Internet.
If you see Switzerland, tell her I’m looking for her.
